The Dilf Milk Crate staff selects their favorite songs by, for, and about D.I.L.F.s. We were so inspired by the greatness that arose from our MILF Crate episode last semester, we had to give the dads a try. Tune in Fridays from 2-3 EST to the Staff Pix radio show.
Apple’s sultry vocals, fun beat, and reflective, sexy lyrics make this the DILF lover anthem of my heart. From being J. Lo’s stripper song in Hustlers to every hot girl’s karaoke track, Criminal is so good it should be handcuffed and put behind bars. When the first lyric is “I’ve been a bad bad girl,” it’s clear the rest of the song will end itself to painful and gorgeous lamentations on lust and sexuality. Between a girl breaking a boy just because she can, and wanting to suffer for one’s sins, it’s evident that despite no older men being explicitly highlighted, Apple has captured the slightly troubled, extremely cool essence of a hot DILF lover.
A DILF masterlist would never be complete without the musical stylings of one special (albeit fictional) man: Kendall Roy of the Waystar Royco business dynasty… or more accurately, of HBO’s hit show Succession. Created by one father as a well-intentioned but pathetic tribute to another, the sad DILF energy is strong in this jam. Listening to Jeremy Strong lay down these eternal rhymes as a last-ditch effort for daddy’s love, only one thought prevails: I can -and will- fix him. But there’s nothing to fix about this song.
You can bleach your hair until it's fried and write loud songs about heartbreak and try to smudge your eyeliner to messy perfection, but you’ll never be Billie Joe Armstrong in the 90s. My favorite track from their fifth studio album Nimrod, “Worry Rock” is about a relationship that has gone stale despite the love they still have for each other. It’s a fun, fast, Costello-esque tune, but what I love most about it is how oddly poignant these lyrics are — “Promise me no dead end streets / And I’ll guarantee we’ll have the road.” It’s definitely a big fuck you to his partner (he’s highkey blaming them for all the arguments they’ve been having), but it’s clear he still wants to make this work. Anywho, Billie Joe Armstrong is the DILF-est DILF of all punk-rock DILFs, so I of course had to shout him out with this often overlooked Green Day banger.
In honor of everyone’s favorite 2014 Tumblr band announcing their first tour in over four years I had to add an Arctic Monkeys song. While technically only one of the members is a dad they are considered DILFs in my mind. “A Certain Romance” is the closing track of Arctic Monkeys debut album “Whatever People Say I Am, That’s What I’m Not.” The song features some of my favorite guitar solos of the band’s entire discography. The song opens with this high energy, gritty guitar solo before dropping off to become a groovy guitar rock jam. I think it perfectly encapsulates the band finding their footing and discovering their sound. Additionally, "A Certain Romance" is possibly the most British Arctic Monkeys ever has been, featuring the heavy Yorkshire accent and iconic lyrics like “They might wear classic Reeboks// Or knackered Converse// Or tracky bottoms tucked in socks''-- aka possibly the most British lyrics anyone could find. “A Certain Romance” perfectly walks the line of hard rock and calm and groovy garage rock that completely reflects the start of Arctic Monkeys and the band finding their sound.
We can’t have DILF crate without a toxic Lana Del Rey song, and “Off To The Races” is an ode to DILFs. The first line is literally “my old man is a bad man.” The song undoubtedly gives off Lolita vibes with Lana changing the tone of her voice throughout the song, sometimes infantilizing herself. She does this in the first chorus, adding to the meaning of the lyrics: “I need you to come here and save me / I'm your little scarlet, starlet, singin' in the garden / Kiss me on my open mouth / Ready for you.” There’s also the recurring motif of the color red in her lyrics, symbolizing a loss of innocence. She mentions her red nails, dress, and the man’s “soul as sweet as blood-red jam.” Maybe it’s not the most romantic song, but an old man? A power imbalance? Sounds like a DILF to me.
The breakout song from the ambient Indie Dream Pop band Cigarettes After Sex, is one of the quintessential DILF songs of the 2010’s. Like the title suggests, the song is about a romantic partner's protection of the other. The prominent bass, the hazy keyboard notes, and the whispery voice by lead singer Greg Gonzalez conveys just makes you want to sway in the moonlight with a lover. Not only was it the breakout song for the band, but the first track on the EP, “I.” along with the cover of a woman throwing her head back in a black and white filter. It perfectly incapsulates feelings of loyalty and erocitism as well as the role a partner might want to fulfill in being a “protector” to the other. While unknown if Gonzalez is a father, his manly beard and leather jackets totally scream DILF.
Almost a ballad, the first song off of TBK’s album Turn Blue almost sent me into orbit the first time I ever heard it. It’s definitely possible to be attracted to a song, and I’ve been harboring a fat crush on this one for months. It starts out with a ghostly ambience, gentle guitar with swiping strings sets the gloomy yet sexual tone. It isn’t hard to miss the fact that the song is about tumultuous relationships— frontman (but most importantly, father) Dan Auerbach makes that clear from the song title itself. As it builds up to the climax, weeping guitar harmonies and cathartic drum playing by Patrick Carney fulfill the meaning of the song and leave me on the floor, but the real blow comes at the end. The last 55 seconds of the song includes one of my favorite basslines in the history of music, and the accompanying guitar absolutely makes it. This is one of very few songs that I consider to be perfect. If I was a sad dad, this would be the song on all of my playlists.
The title of “DILF” is not something to be given without consideration. Any potential candidate, slated to walk the hallowed halls of DILFhood, should be picked over with a fine-toothed comb, subject to scrutiny greater than that of your traditionally attractive man. Beyond simply being a “hot older guy”, a proper DILF has to be 1) a parent to at least one child, 2) formerly attractive, and 3) presently attractive in a way different from their past. Jarvis Cocker, frontman and creative heart of reluctant Britpop titan Pulp, might look more like James Murphy distilled in a centrifuge and less like his high-cheekboned, slender ‘90s pretty-boy image, but there’s a weathered, finely-aged je ne sais quoi to his stringy hair, salt-and-pepper beard, and watery blue eyes. “Common People”, Cocker’s most well-known composition, and a six-minute tirade against class tourism so saturated with mid-90s disco-pop groove, the biting satire is almost lost on first listen, has aged (almost) as well as Cocker himself, and while his younger self may not have been smoldering enough for the subject of the song (who, depending on who you ask, may be the wife of a Greek finance minister), Cocker at current is a different discussion altogether.
The first song released in the masterpiece collection that is Black Messiah by D’Angelo and the Vanguard, “Sugah Daddy” is a mellifluous delight, a rolling Prince-esque jam brought into D’Angelo’s setlists even before its release as a single. Audio engineer Ben Kane described working with D’Angelo as “long periods of steady incremental changes, punctuated by bursts of rapid progress” : one such burst brought forth the 10-minute jam that would become this 5-minute treasure of “Sugah Daddy.” The recorded and edited version maintains the ad-hoc, jam-sesh sound of its inception, simultaneously building excitement throughout the track while holding a laid back feeling. The sonic nonchalance cools down D’Angelo’s overtly sexual lyrics, its jazzy piano riffs distracting you from the underlying depravity the father of three details.
Formed out of the University of Connecticut in the fall of 2018, Kids That Fly brings the contemporary alternative rock sounds of The 1975 and Weezer with songs like “Kiss Her You Fool.” The four-piece act draws on the audience’s captivity with their electric engagement during performances and craftful, yet relatable lyricism. The song is almost a chiding conversation, filled with an urge for action. The perfect mix of a head-bopping beat and tempo combined with angsty lyrics like “dreams aren’t found, they’re made” make for one of the most innocent, young-love essence-filled songs. Kids That Fly has an undeniable talent for taking the most minute life events and creating songs that perfectly encapsulates the essence of a joyful, sprightly love. While none of the current members are dads yet, Kids that Fly has a knack for creating songs that encompass how a future DILF should act.
Magic Dance by David Bowie
The 1986 Jim Henson classic Labyrinth not only was a beautiful display of puppeteering artistry, but also deeply altered my pre-teenage life as I watched David Bowie sing about magic all while gyrating and throwing a baby around. Sure, Bowie fathered two children of his own, and while the song itself isn’t inherently about being a father, this role sealed the deal for David Bowie as a DILF in my book. While sporting a long mullet and the tightest pants known to grace the cinematic realm, Jareth the goblin king (played by Bowie) grooved with a sea of his goblin followers as he sang about his spells. The song itself is all about deciding what to do with the protagonist’s baby brother as she travels through the endless labyrinth surrounding the kingdom to save him, complete with heavy bass and the most infectious synth accompaniment synonymous with the ‘80s. The goblins consider everything, from using spells with puppy dog tails to slime and snails, but nothing about the scene is more captivating than the beauty that is David Bowie. Despite being the antagonist and equally the most annoying character in the film, Jareth is still immaculately dressed and incredibly charismatic when he wants to be. He also tries to distract the protagonist, Sarah, from getting to the city, including somewhat attempting to seduce her. Wish it were me *sigh*.
Off of his first studio album, Hozier (2014), “Jackie and Wilson” sitting at third in the album track, is a love song to family. Although Hozier doesn’t have kids of his own, the line “We'll name our children, Jackie and Wilson/ Raise 'em on rhythm and blues” speaks to the message of the song and album at large—prioritization of love and family can conquer all trials and tribulations. “Jackie and Wilson” speaks to humanity, specifically the historical pattern of human fallibility and imperfection. The lyrics “She'll know me crazy, soothe me daily/ Better yet, she wouldn't care” are a ballad to loving someone and yourself during the best and worst of times, putting aside an individual agenda for the betterment of a partner or family. Not only is the song filled with timeless lyrics and messages, but strong drum and guitar lines, promoting a sense of strong intention with the ideas Hozier sings about. Backup singers support the picture of Hozier singing “Jackie and Wilson” to a lover, telling them about all the ways in which their relationship is strong and passionate. He acknowledges the ways it’s flawed, but that shouldn’t stop them from pursuing everything that makes them whole, like having children. “Jackie and Wilson” and Hozier’s self-titled album are all about how love can conquer all and remain sentimental to those who enjoy quintessential indie.
Just recently I was introduced to the eerily talented King Krule. With a rivetingly deep baritone voice, trance like no-wave backtracks, transfixing saxophone melodies, and rough lyrics; King Krules scratchy smooth sound is unique and most certainly hypnotizing. Going through any of his three albums all the way through is similar to experiencing an awakening of sorts; it’s a discography of self-contemplation, anger, love, and comfort. Underneath the mysticism and sin-ridden sounds of King Krule is the pure, family centered, red-head, Archy Ivan Marshall. Although his songs may promote menacing vibes, King Krule himself is a sincere and loving father. A master of punk and parenthood; his face is said to light up everytime he talks about his daughter and the way she connects with him and his music. In fact, this very song was dedicated to his daughter just before she was born. This hidden track “Airport Antenatal Airplane” on his third album, Man Alive! (2020), combines this cataclysmic spiral of introspection while somehow providing consolation in its soft tunes. As this song may be ridden with tones of depression the crux of his lyrics come from his love for his daughter and hatred for the world she will have to deal with as she grows up. Bringing a dark light into this world one grimacing tune at a time, King Krule is like a dad to us all; bringing solace and contemplation with every listen.
Off of their album, Melophobia, “Come A Little Closer” is an upbeat song that I love to play on repeat while I walk around Boston. Two of the band members are fathers—drummer Jared Champion and guitarist Brad Schultz—which qualifies them for this list. “Come A Little Closer” details the relationship a son-figure has with his father-figure, as the main chorus “Come a little closer than you’ll see…/Things aren’t always what they seem to be” allows the son to express a place of safety for the father. This song builds to the chorus, which then explodes with passion, really sending the message home that this “space” they’ve created is one for the other to rest in.
A group of alternative emo rockers from Philly, Modern Baseball is just one of those bands that you can blast in your headphones for hours and never grow tired of their sound. …And Beyond might seem like the filler song on the album between the killer pieces, the skip if we’re being real. However I chose this one specifically because it explores the complexity of being present and committed to someone without ever truly being there. It explores transactional relationships lacking intention, and the harsh realities often associated with remaining comfortable. Staying in a space that no longer serves you because change is inevitable, consuming, and terrifying. “Are you here with me?Or are you in space orbiting?Think you know everything we’ve got coming.Will you stay with me?Please don’t walk away. Can’t wrap my head around this. I don’t wanna understand.” And yeah, maybe they’ve been on a hiatus since 2017, but they’re still relevant to me so therefore I’m forcing everyone to listen to me talk about them. :) …Oh and on the topic of dilfs, Sean Huber slays.
The Neighborhood quite literally had a chokehold on 2015 Tumblr with “Daddy Issues.” Lead singer Jesse Rutherford writes about his DILF issues (Dad I’d Like to Forget) in the majority of the Neighbourhood’s songs but “Daddy Issues” is the crown jewel of their discography. With its broody beat and provocative lyrics, “Daddy Issues” is the crème de la crème of sad girl anthems. One chorus into it and I’m transported back into the era of American Apparel skirts and knee high socks.
What is the most important word in DILF? Yep, that’s right: DAD. We have many artists listed here that fall into that category whether literal or figurative. But, how many of them employed their own children to make an individually great musical side-project? By all accounts, Jeff Tweedy seems to be the only notable father in rock to have done so. The Wilco frontman began to make a solo record, practicing with his son and drummer, Spencer. Realizing his son brought out the best in this new batch of songs, Jeff enlisted his son for the record, forming a new group in the process. “Lowkey”, the lead single off of the self-titled Tweedy, is an incredibly underrated song by one of the key faces in modern dad rock. The charisma can be felt between father and son with every drum fill playing perfectly into the simple, yet uplifting, chords. Like the relationship between a good father and son, this song just feels effortless and comfortable with a throaty solo that brings the whole track together. Is he the most traditionally DILFy dad in music? Maybe not, but it sure takes a great dad to set aside your own aspirations and make some great tunes with your kid. For that, he deserves a spot in the conversation.
Damon Albarn is a dilf. I grew up listening to both Blur and the Gorillaz, not knowing the same person was behind both until late high school. This information shattered my universe and consequently only made me treasure Damon Alburn even more. “Ghost Ship” comes off Blur’s 2015 album The Magic Whip which quickly became one of my favorite dad albums of all time. While it is ultimately a song of longing for a lost lover in Hong Kong, “Ghost Ship” sounds like floating on a lilo with a mango smoothie in one hand and a trashy romance novel in the other. The beachy, fresh vibes of the guitar riff throughout compliment the casual drums that carry the track slowly as it flows downstream a tropical waterway. Albarn croons “‘Cause I'm on a ghost ship drowning my heart in Hong Kong” in the chorus, but really doesn’t seem much too concerned about the situation as he carries a laid-back pace to match the music. After all, there is room on my lilo for Damon Albarn anyday.
The trap is set. I will hold a barbeque, invite all the classic rock dads I can think of, and set the speaker to max. The burgers are cooking, and over the crowd floats the iconic twinking “Ventura Highway” riff. All the dads cheer! But then, just as the celebration has begun, Janet Jackson slips over the riff and begins the first verse of her magnificent classic-rock-pop contortion, “Someone to Call My Lover.” The song is a perfect balance of iconic riffs and Janet’s quintessential pop sensibilities. As the song progresses Janet blends “Ventura Highway”’s guitar with gentle bass beats, smooth background vocals, and the gentle ‘90s pop sounds which she was so instrumental in creating. “Someone to Call My Lover” is the perfect song for a backyard barbeque, Dad’s will flock to the classic-rock staple like moths to light, and all the while we shall sleep tight knowing Janet is the reliable puppet-master behind the entire scheme, keeping everyone happy with her masterclass is pop sampling.
What’s the only thing better than one sexy old man? That’s right, FOUR sexy old men, and that’s exactly what “Float On” gives us in spades. The 1977 R&B hit might be The Floaters’ only claim to fame, and whether you’re enjoying the single edit or the 14 minute album version, it’s still a masterclass in campy, melodramatic, and charmingly outdated romance. Over a genuinely gorgeous backing track, band members Paul, Larry, Charles, and Ralph all offer their versions of the hilariously cheesy (but surprisingly touching) lyrics: “Take my hand/Come with me, baby, to Love-Land.” This is interspersed with spoken word portions that feature each member sharing their star sign and the things they love about the women in their life. (“Come on and share your love with Larry” is the funniest thing that has ever been said on a song, don’t @ me) While all of this is certifiably cheesy, it’s hard to come away from “Float On” not feeling at least a little romantic. Perhaps it’s the instrumental; a beautifully orchestral groove that’s sparsely dotted with high-frequency squeaks and electronic soundscapes. When the de facto chorus appears, buried in so much reverb it almost sounds like a concert in a cave, it’s an oddly affecting moment of eye-scrunching sing-along. Listening to the track in 2022, it’s not necessarily a depiction of rose-tinted romance of the past, but more a heartwarming portal to the music that might’ve soundtracked the best years of the MILFs and DILFs in your life.
A sweet, smooth, and hearty rasp is exactly how I’d describe Early James’ sound. His natural vocals – sounding as sweet as smoke clouds from a puffed-upon Cuban cigar smell – and heart-felt lyrics send me over the moon. Don’t even get me started on his celestial guitar playing! Okay, I have to go before I say too much…just give this song a listen for yourself. You won’t regret it. “What A Strange Time to Be Alive” was released in August on Easy Eye Sound alongside his album of the same name. If you’re interested, James is set to perform only a few “T” stops away from campus at the Atwood’s Tavern in Cambridge on Oct. 23 to a rowdy house of music lovers!
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