Every month your fingernails grow approximately 3.5 millimeters. 

This is courtesy of a website known as Fingernails 2 Go, which is a real website, thus proving that there really is nothing you can't find on the internet. 

The website contains other riveting facts about fingernails. Did you know that stress and lack of sleep can actually cause your fingernails (and hair) to grow slower due to your body's nutrients being diverted other places? I didn't either, but it must be true — it's on the internet. 

If you are a true American and have no idea how long 3.5 mm is, because we are the only country that resists using the metric system, it is the width of a headphone plug (hence a 3.5 mm headphone jack). 

You would assume that your fingernails growing is a gradual thing — that they would grow a tiny amount each day until at the end of the month they are about 3.5 mm longer than they were at the beginning of the month. But as a professional typist who spends hours a week at a keyboard tying away, I can tell you that is simply not the case.

My theory is that fingernails don't grow at all for about 3.9 weeks, whereas they then shoot out of the end your finger the entire 3.5 mm in the final day. 

I know this because when my fingernails get too long, it bothers me when I'm typing. And it's never a gradual process. Suddenly, one day, my nails are too long, and I MUST CLIP THEM THIS VERY SECOND BECAUSE NOW I CAN'T TYPE CORRECTLY!

I have a pair of clippers in my bag for this very reason. Because there's no warning. One day I'm at work, typing away, and bam, nails are too long. 

I will never be able to grasp the fact that some women can have long nails or fake nails and type accurately. I don't know how they do it. It's a skill that must be learned, such as walking on high-heels. At least I assume that to be the case, I've never tried to walk on high-heels, but I have had dress shoes with a slight heel and find myself tripping over my own feet frequently. 

So I have to keep my fingernails neatly trimmed, or I can't work properly. 

My toenails, however, are not an issue. Not that I don't maintain them. Like most guys, I have a system to determine when it is time to clip my toenails — approximately the time they start poking through the end of my shoes. If I haven't ruined at least a couple pairs of socks, I'm still good to go. 

It wouldn't be such a challenge, except as I've gotten older and less in shape, clipping my toe nails requires approximately the same physical effort as running a marathon for someone who is in shape. 

As you get older, you discover other things that you would think grow gradually, but instead grow instantly. 

Things such as eyebrow hairs. I can't tell you how many times I've found a several-inch-long eyebrow hair that I can be absolutely certain wasn't there the day before. Ear hairs are similar — you can't see in your own ears without some assistance, but based on the hairs I've found I think if I could see inside them it probably would look like a set of handlebars coming out of them. 

It's not that I don't trim and try to maintain those areas. Again, it's the fact that they grow instantly, as if out of thin air. 

And that is today's column folks, because I have to stop typing for now. 

It's time to cut my fingernails. 

Eric Young is the editor of the Huron Daily Tribune. He can be reached at eric.young@hearstnp.com.

Eric Young has been the editor of the Huron Daily Tribune since August 2019.

Prior to arriving at the Tribune, Eric was the managing editor for Sunrise Printing & Publishing Inc., overseeing the publication of three weekly newspapers in Northern Michigan.

He has a bachelor of science degree in editorial journalism from Central Michigan University.

He and his wife, Kay, have two sons, Ethan and Ryan. Eric is a lifelong hockey and NASCAR fan.

Eric can be reached by phone at 989-623-3187 or by email at eric.young@hearstnp.com.